New Short Film - 'Chopsticks'

[kmediavideo]

http://vimeo.com/18799274
password: gumball


I made this short as a side-project last winter, wrote it the year before after an experience with chinese food. Shot on 5dmkII with L primes. Two-day shoot. Let me know what to think, criticism (pos/neg) is appreciated.

[kb-hamburg]

Nice short, cool idea. I just think that it's too long. It build up way too slow for my likings. Would have been way more interesting, if you would leave out some shots for example of how he fails or not show them so long, especially, because it is so predictable that he fails in the beginning. Maybe try a 2-3min version? Very clean shots by the way, props for that1!

[rocknroller]

I enjoyed the story. It could be a little tighter though.
On the technical side of things I saw a few things that could be fixed.
The foley for the part where he's trying to pick up the gumball is not very convincing. Something about it just doesnt fit for me. At 3:55 when the girl says "oh...yeah" the sync looks off.
ADR was well done though and i really liked the sound design.
Opening titles look great too.
Good work!

[greenpiefilling]

pacing is slow, add more dialogue, the gumball rolling around; foley was definitely distracting... take room tone and pop the mids,
i know you have skills JK, these are the little things that add up, overall it's a good mini but lots of small things/technical take away from it

one more thing, if you are filming in a sushi bar, why would you use panda express (or chinese food) as a prop? the little things add up

liked your concept tho, props for filming in a mall

[kmediavideo]

Thanks for the criticism guys, it is all appreciated. A lot of the things you've said I do agree with, but this project is at the point where I am done with it. It's been sitting around for over a year while i worked on other projects, so I just wanted to get it over with. I've started shipping this one to a couple film festivals, so we'll see how it turns out.
I'll definitely take all your criticism to mind on the next project!

[ZiM108]

Im going to be honest with you about what i through.
yes i understand it was made in two days
1. the angels made it feel like it was made rushed in a way not well through out, audio was pretty bad
2. the story.. im sorry that whole sequence of him running picking things up was stupid and silly. the only part that was believable was the beginning, working with the type of equipment i saw form the photos i would expect better way better
3.it sucked.. just what i think good attempt through

but the girl at the end was pretty hot

keep trying you will get better