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I like to write up stories based on streaming porn videos.
Then I email them to co-workers.

I usually re-read them in the morning. So I guess, that.

I liked the part with the giraffes.

I went to the zoo earlier today and I got to see a big fucking giraffe.

It looked like this:
http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/9200/giraffe01e.jpg

Please note: THIS IS NOT THE GIRAFFE I...

Girls are way better at computers because their computers don't get porn viruses.

I love that i have -2000 points now.

Fuck.

2 legit 2 quit.


Hey hey.

New Rule: Don't tell me what to do.

And I also agree with the part about me being a charming gentleman with supermodel good looks.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Especially the part about my eloquence.

Just got a message from this girl.

http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/7149/oloe.png

Yes, it would be worse than a shark biting my testicles.
Girls are fucking weird.

He speaks the truth.

http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/1649/truef.jpg
http://www.be-mag.com/msgboard/showthread.php/2209-girls-are-weird(part-2)

I would like to sleep with all of you.

Sounds like you need to work on your making out abilities.

The kind that gets me drunk.

Also, the kind that makes me feel superior to everyone else in the world. It's golden in hue and when I drink it, it reminds me of when I'm watching Discovery Channel...

Poop farts for butt snakes.

I disagree with this.

To continue the bridge metaphor: Burn the deprecated bridges, build new ones when you can, but keep the number of bridges you got going manageable so as not to neglect the...

Quick Update: This girl sent me a message on Facebook about 2 days ago at 4:45am. I would like to share it here in it's entirety. Backstory: she is "dating" some other dude now. Bonus points if you...

I'll do an article for number 8, but only because when you turn 8 sideways it looks like boobs.

More dope than butt sex with a lady friend.

I'll clear it up right now.

It's not me.

Wait. What the hell was that?

Oh.

We got dinner. I ordered a drink. She told me she doesn't drink. I was unimpressed. She was disappointed. That pretty much sums up the tone of the night.

Correct, I moved to the state of Seattle.

I'll just say it, I'm a California man now.