Masterbation Mishaps

[oldskizzle]

So I had the house to myself and I decide to sit down at the computer and rub one out. My mom had recently sent me a ton of mini lotions, shampoos, conditioners she has obtained in her travels. This little green bottle of lotion with mushroom infused something or other really caught my eye. I proceed only to have my junk start itching really bad a couple mins in. So now my shit is all red and itches like a motherfucker. I washed off, but it didnt help. Shit hurts pretty bad and im pissed. Discuss:

[MITSUBISHI FUJI]

pix of your mom and dick

[oldskizzle]

pix of your mom and dick

Her Mugshot



I dont have a camera, but i googled penis rash and it is is similar to this:

[MyGlockGoPopPopPop]

So my senior year in high school I was still a virgin, I was watching the spice channel in my room but it was almost all static but I could still hear it so it was hot enough to get hard. I jerked into my sock for easy clean up but my mom and day walked in!! I tried to hide it but eventually they heard some fucky sucky sounds on the tv and in a scramble to turn it off they removed the pillow covering my dick in a sock and realized the disgusting truth, so embarrassing!

Thats just the tip of the iceberg!

Few weeks later I was at mcdonalds when I saw apple pies on the menu and I remembered when my friend had told me that fingering a chick felt like warm apple pie, I brought one home ready to fuck it but that shit was still cold by the time I microwaved it I was sooo hungry I just ate it, oh well. Then the next day I walk into the kitchen and my mom had just made a fresh hot homemade apple pie! REDEMPTION! I was so stoked, I fingered the fuck out of it and then fucked the shit out of it.. it felt so fucking good I didn't even bother bringing it to my bedroom or even the bathroom I just hit that shit raw right in the kitchen. I pictured fat apple shaped titties as I slowly grinded my dick against the pie crust... MMMMMMMMM fuck ya. Like a cock blockin punk bitch my dad walks in like "wtf son?" I was like whatevs I got mine, you jealous? He never said anything to my mom though, she woulda been pissed.

Finally a few days later I had the chance to fuck a broad, some foreign hottie. I knew that she had to get changed in my room so I set up my webcam so me and a couple of my friends could watch! Little did I know that I had fucked it up and the entire school got the invite! Whoops! So she got straight up butt naked, found my porn stash, and started flippin her sloppy lady bean. Shit was so hot! I was totally being a bitch but my friends made me go after it, I walk in the room like "sup girl?" She got me all hard, made me do some stupid strip tease, and then suddenly she was ready to fuck! I raise up on her, I get a feel of a real titty, then all of the sudden... I fucking nutted right in my boxers! I was soooo bummed but I talked her back to the bed, then she takes off her panties and I see my first real like beaver, all I coudl think about was apple pie, warm sweet delicious apple pie... once again, I blew my man gravy all over my shorts. She got pissed and left, then after she found out what happened she ditched the country, I think she was a war criminal or something.

Later I finally deflowered myself to some nerdy red head broad, her vagina smelled like shit.

[MITSUBISHI FUJI]

Thanks man. Now all I need is this lotion that you've talked about..

[-nico-]

i once used a japanese icy hot rip off thinking it was lotion... needless to say 5min later i was crying in the shower

[oldskizzle]

So my senior year in high school I was still a virgin, I was watching the spice channel in my room but it was almost all static but I could still hear it so it was hot enough to get hard. I jerked into my sock for easy clean up but my mom and day walked in!! I tried to hide it but eventually they heard some fucky sucky sounds on the tv and in a scramble to turn it off they removed the pillow covering my dick in a sock and realized the disgusting truth, so embarrassing!

Thats just the tip of the iceberg!

Few weeks later I was at mcdonalds when I saw apple pies on the menu and I remembered when my friend had told me that fingering a chick felt like warm apple pie, I brought one home ready to fuck it but that shit was still cold by the time I microwaved it I was sooo hungry I just ate it, oh well. Then the next day I walk into the kitchen and my mom had just made a fresh hot homemade apple pie! REDEMPTION! I was so stoked, I fingered the fuck out of it and then fucked the shit out of it.. it felt so fucking good I didn't even bother bringing it to my bedroom or even the bathroom I just hit that shit raw right in the kitchen. I pictured fat apple shaped titties as I slowly grinded my dick against the pie crust... MMMMMMMMM fuck ya. Like a cock blockin punk bitch my dad walks in like "wtf son?" I was like whatevs I got mine, you jealous? He never said anything to my mom though, she woulda been pissed.

Finally a few days later I had the chance to fuck a broad, some foreign hottie. I knew that she had to get changed in my room so I set up my webcam so me and a couple of my friends could watch! Little did I know that I had fucked it up and the entire school got the invite! Whoops! So she got straight up butt naked, found my porn stash, and started flippin her sloppy lady bean. Shit was so hot! I was totally being a bitch but my friends made me go after it, I walk in the room like "sup girl?" She got me all hard, made me do some stupid strip tease, and then suddenly she was ready to fuck! I raise up on her, I get a feel of a real titty, then all of the sudden... I fucking nutted right in my boxers! I was soooo bummed but I talked her back to the bed, then she takes off her panties and I see my first real like beaver, all I coudl think about was apple pie, warm sweet delicious apple pie... once again, I blew my man gravy all over my shorts. She got pissed and left, then after she found out what happened she ditched the country, I think she was a war criminal or something.

Later I finally deflowered myself to some nerdy red head broad, her vagina smelled like shit.

Was that supposed to be making fun of this post or did you seriously type all that for some other reason im not getting?

[MyGlockGoPopPopPop]

Was that supposed to be making fun of this post or did you seriously type all that for some other reason im not getting?

Dude I'm drunk and I'm in one of those hella weird/happy moods. Then as soon as I saw this thread I immediately thought of the movie American Pie haha.

[DanielBond]

I approve of this thread.

[oldskizzle]

Dude I'm drunk .

Ah, gotcha

[oldskizzle]

So past experience:
I was 9 or 10 at a family friends house. Everyone was outside and I went in to use the bathroom. So I notice this big stack of magazines and there was a playboy in it! I was so stoked to find this and began beating off and have no idea that people have now made thier way back inside. I did however notice an electric toothbrush on the sink. I think using this instrument on my penis might be a good plan so I pick it up. It was no good on the shaft, but it was kinda cool feeling on my balls. The daughter of the family friend decides to open the bathroom door without knocking and i find myself looking at her, my mom, and my aunt with my dick in one hand and an electric toothbrush on my balls. It was horrible.

[*ROYALwithCHEESE*]

Just plain old chafing.........Didnt stop me though ...Im an animal

[Kent]

I had a super wet dream in Espens spare bed and his GF slept in my goo only hours later

Not really masterbation I think, but still the only story Ive got

[Kent]

Oh wait, I was 15/16 and ridiculously drunk at a cabin trip with 4 girls and 2 guys I totally jerked off in from of them and came on the fireplace. Smelled wierd man

Had my first and only threesome later that night, so maybe I should label this as a pro tip

[oldskizzle]

Oh wait, I was 15/16 and ridiculously drunk at a cabin trip with 4 girls and 2 guys. Had my first and only threesome later that night

Soooooo.....
you + 4 girls = fivesome
you + 2 guys = threesome

You got drunk and slept with 2 guys?

[Kent]

Nope

[*ROYALwithCHEESE*]

you spelt masturbation wrong you wanker

[Monday]

Yo oldskizzle, it is of great importance that you have a look at this. And to post stooooreeeesss in it.

http://www.be-mag.com/msgboard/showt...request-thread...

[Monday]

So past experience:
I was 9 or 10 at a family friends house. Everyone was outside and I went in to use the bathroom. So I notice this big stack of magazines and there was a playboy in it! I was so stoked to find this and began beating off and have no idea that people have now made thier way back inside. I did however notice an electric toothbrush on the sink. I think using this instrument on my penis might be a good plan so I pick it up. It was no good on the shaft, but it was kinda cool feeling on my balls. The daughter of the family friend decides to open the bathroom door without knocking and i find myself looking at her, my mom, and my aunt with my dick in one hand and an electric toothbrush on my balls. It was horrible.

OMG


















+rep

[*ROYALwithCHEESE*]

Did they keep the tootbrush?